You’ve likely heard of gaslighting as a form of emotional manipulation by others—but what if the person gaslighting you… is you?

If you’ve ever:

• Second-guessed your instincts
• Dismissed your feelings
• Apologized for things that weren’t your fault
• Felt stuck in self-doubt despite clear evidence of your strength

…you might be experiencing self-gaslighting.

This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you—it means you’ve learned to survive in a world that didn’t always trust your voice. But here’s the good news: once you can name it, you can change it.

This post will help you recognize the signs of self-gaslighting, understand where it comes from, and reclaim your trust in your own voice.

You can read the full article: definition of self-gaslighting in Forbes.

What Self-Gaslighting Looks Like in Real Life

In relationships, gaslighting is often a calculated act of manipulation. But self-gaslighting? That’s what happens when your own thoughts start whispering doubt, distorting reality, and quietly keeping you stuck.

And here’s the kicker: your mind does it with good intentions.

Your brain’s job is to protect you—from failure, discomfort, even growth. But in doing so, it can reinforce outdated patterns that sabotage progress and erode your confidence.

This is why self-gaslighting often goes unnoticed. It hides beneath familiar thoughts and habits—disguised as “being realistic,” “staying safe,” or “waiting for the right time.”

How Self-Gaslighting Shows Up in Business & Life

Self-gaslighting doesn’t always sound harsh. It often arrives in the voice you’ve come to trust—your own.

It shows up in the quiet moments between decisions, in doubts that seem reasonable, and in delays that feel justifiable.

You might hear yourself thinking:

• “I’m not qualified enough to do this.”
• “No one will take me seriously.”
• “If it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened by now.”
• “What if I fail and look stupid?”
• “I’ll do it tomorrow when I feel more ready.”

These thoughts seem like caution. But what they’re really doing is undermining your confidence, stalling your progress, and making it harder to trust your own instincts.

And because they sound so familiar, they often go unchecked.

The Sneakiest Form of Self-Gaslighting: "Carrot Thoughts"

Most people can identify negative self-talk. But what about the seemingly positive thoughts that sound kind, supportive—even wise—but actually pull you off track?

I call these Carrot Thoughts.

They dangle short-term comfort in front of you, subtly steering you away from the discomfort of growth or the momentum of your long-term goals.

Thoughts like:

• “You’ve done enough for today—take the rest of the day off.”
• “Your client won’t mind if this is late—just relax.”
• “You should do more research first. Better to be prepared.”
• “One more episode won’t hurt. You can always start tomorrow.”
• “You deserve that cake—enjoy it.”

Individually, they seem harmless. But repeated over days and weeks, they add up to lost momentum, half-finished ideas, and stalled intentions.

And the most frustrating part?

When you look back, your mind convinces you that you were “doing your best.”

In reality, it was self-sabotage wearing a smile.

How to Stop Self-Gaslighting & Take Back Control

Self-gaslighting thrives in silence. The antidote? Awareness and conscious redirection.

1. Awareness: Catch the Thought Before It Takes Root

Start by paying attention to your internal dialogue as it happens.

Throughout the day, keep a notebook nearby or use your phone to quickly jot down any thoughts that make you pause, hesitate, shrink, or defer action. Don’t censor or analyze—just capture what’s there.

At the end of the day, read through your notes. What patterns do you notice? Is there a specific time, trigger, or task that activates your doubt?

Example:

If every time you sit down to work, you suddenly feel the urge to scroll or “just check one thing,” that’s not a coincidence. It’s a self-gaslighting reflex trying to convince you that you’re not ready—when in truth, you are.

2. Stop Letting Your Mind Make Every Decision

Your mind is a powerful tool—but left unchecked, it often defaults to what feels familiar: safety, avoidance, and self-preservation.

When faced with meaningful decisions, your brain will often reach for comfort, not clarity. That’s when fear, procrastination, and self-doubt show up disguised as logic.

To move forward, you need to anchor your choices outside of your emotions. That means creating frameworks that guide your action when your thoughts get noisy.

Consider using:

• SMART Goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound
• Human Design – If you resonate with energetic or intuitive decision models
• Data & Evidence – Let facts, past engagement, or performance guide you—not momentary doubt

Example:

If you’re debating whether to launch a product, don’t just sit in “What if I’m not ready?”

Instead, ask:

• Has your audience shown interest?
• Have similar offers done well?
• What data supports a small, confident launch?

When your mind gets loud, return to what you know—not what you fear.

3. Take "Efficient Action" Every Day

In Wallace Wattles’ classic, The Science of Getting Rich, he introduces Efficient Action—focused, intentional movement that builds momentum without overthinking.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to build trust through consistency.

Each night, ask yourself:

“Did I take even one step toward what I want today?”

That step might be small. It might feel messy. But it matters. Because every time you act despite doubt, you reinforce a new truth: You can trust yourself to follow through.

Example:

Instead of getting stuck debating the “perfect” lead magnet, just create a simple version. Launch it. Refine it later.

Momentum creates clarity—not the other way around.

4. Train Your Brain to Trust You Again

Self-gaslighting breaks something sacred: the trust between you and your own voice.

Over time, it leads to:

• Indecisiveness
• Overthinking
• Fear of taking action

The antidote isn’t a grand gesture. It’s a pattern of kept promises.

Rebuild that trust through micro-commitments—small, doable actions that reinforce: “I said I would, and I did.”

Try this:

Each morning, make a single commitment to yourself—and keep it.

Not because it’s big, but because it’s yours.

• “I’ll write for 20 minutes.”
• “I’ll share one thing online.”
• “I’ll send one follow-up message.”

With every follow-through, you send your brain a new signal: I can trust myself again.

Final Thoughts: Reclaim Your Mind, Rebuild Your Momentum

Your mind will always lean toward the familiar. It will whisper old stories, resurface inherited doubts, and nudge you back into safety—even when you’re ready for more.

Your work is to notice the lies, question the distractions, and take action anyway.

Here’s the Shift:

• Track your thoughts so they no longer run the show

• Use clear frameworks to guide decisions—don’t let your emotions drive the bus

• Take one aligned step every day—imperfect, but consistent

• Rebuild trust through kept promises, not grand plans

You are not your thoughts.

You are the one who chooses which thoughts to trust.

And that choice—made daily—is how you rise.